"Houston, we have a problem."

Did you know that Jim Lovell never actually said that? He said something similar, but not the exact line. Just thought I'd throw that out there.

Okay, in case you came into this hoping this entry would be about space, NASA, space travel, quantum theory or Tom Hanks...well you are out of luck. Quick tangent: Did you know that people freak out when you tell them that you hate Tom Hanks? Try it sometime. It is a lot of fun and the best part is you don't have to hate Tom Hanks...I do it all the time!

Wow. Enough tangents for now. I have a problem and it involves my faith. I'm a baptised and confirmed Catholic. I've gone to the same Catholic church since I was a year old. This isn't a Church I am loosely affiliated with or anything...I am bonded to this place, and I like it. I've played percussion at mass and events for the last TEN years. I've been highly involved with the youth of the church, going to camps, helping to create new programs and creating really great friends. I know tons and tons of people there. Some might think this is a travesty, but some of the younger kids look up to me. I love all that. It is great. However, there is a small problem.

I don't think I am Catholic anymore.

This might not come to any sort of surprise to a select few of you, as it is something I have been dealing with for a while, but this really is the first public shout of it.

This might not seem like a huge deal to some, but it is a big part of my life and who I am. It probably would be a bigger deal if I was leaving Christianity, but I am not. Not even close. However, this calls into question belief in a bigger way. I think the people with the most faith HAVE to struggle with their faith, otherwise it isn't really important to them . I struggle all the time but I feel it has made a stronger Christian. It has called into debate some of my Catholic beliefs though. The biggest part of what I have been having a hard time with is the notion of the Catholic church, dogmatic practices and Canon Law. I've always struggled with how it was possible to have Catholic by-laws (Canon Law) that were completely made up my man. No meat on Fridays during lent because of a dry middle ages fish market? Why? Why can't I fast in remembrance of Jesus's sacrifice in my own way? Why does there have to be a middle man in my reconciliation to Christ? These are big-time issues.

However, I also carry a lot the Catholic church in my current faith. The history and service of Catholicism is terrific. Transubstantiation is also an issue with me, but I do feel something - something - happens when I take the host and pray.

A lot of this comes down to the holiness of Catholic Popes, Bishops and Priests and the power of the institution of a church.

I don't know what to do, but I feel like I'm not putting in the value that I once did. I don't want to be fake about this...just going through the motions. I love what I contribute to the community. I like just about everything about my Catholic church.

I don't know what to do. Help me. Until then...you can see me at mass most Saturdays, playing percussion, trying to do what I can.

={+}=