I know so many of you have breathlessly waiting for an update on Rivas....well here it is. I could think of nothing better then a Luis Rivas filled birthday, so I unblocked the internet tubes, called Al Gore and fired up the 'ol NIT card and used the Googles to do some Rockin' Rivas Research (RRR for short).
It looks like our friend Rivas has a good shot of making the Indians. I have no idea how this could happen, except that Ol' Luis must have some nasty blackmail on several members of the Indians staff. It probably helped that some of Rivas's competition literally threw themselves out of the competition (I'm looking at YOU Hector Luna...you and your EIGHT spring training errors). However, Cleveland is choosing Rivas over other, living, breathing baseball players.
It isn't like Rivas is lighting up Indians camp with a barrage of singles either...he is batting a very Rivas-like .176 this spring. Oh...but that isn't why he might make the team...
"We said from the beginning," Shapiro said, "that the main criteria was going to be defense up the middle."
Rivas will make the team because of his "defense". I'm trying not to laugh. Maybe his veteran "presence" and knife fighting skills are also coming into play. I would like to point out that most defense metrics around rated Rivas as having the WORST range in the American League in 2005, his last full year in the majors. The idea of Rivas making a team because of defense makes me happy.
The fact that Rivas is going to make a lot of outs offensively and have lots of ground balls zoom just past him used to make me cry when he was with the Twins. Now, Rivas deliciously plays for a division rival and he has instantly become one of my favorite players. In fact...I think I might get an Indians Rivas jersey. It is almost like he is playing against the Indians anyways.
However my RRR (Rockin' Rivas Research) lead me to see other people BESIDES the Indians front office and field staff are brain washed. It seems some Indians fans and a few writers also have been brain washed by some sort of Rivas-voodoo. This is an actual quote that discusses who will be the backup infielder...
"If he was the same player he was with the Twins a few years back it would be a no-brainer."
tribetracker.com
Wow. Yeah, if Rivas could waste 600 at bats...then we definitely want him! Apparently Cleveland loves slow, lazy second basemen with no range and who get on base at a .285 clip. But hey! He is still young! ...and uh... he can turn a double play pretty good...and...um...well that is it.
I hope Rivas helps the Cleveland Indians lose some games this year. It'll make the summer just that much nicer.
Sources:
http://cleveland.indians.mlb.com/news/article.jsp?ymd=20070324&content_id=1857329&vkey=spt2007news&fext=.jsp
http://blog.cleveland.com/tribetracker/2007/03/analysis_2007_cleveland_indian.html
={+}=
Monday, March 26, 2007
Friday, March 23, 2007
What is Wrong With 50 Year Olds?
I've had a cornucopia of bizarre occurrences dealing with 50-something males this week. What follows is a transcription of these events. They are not in chronological order for dramatic purposes.
The events of Wednesday afternoon:
I was walking to Super America like usual this afternoon and as I get to the parking spots that are right in front of the door I see a man sitting in a PINK Geo Tracker...you know, the weird SUV looking thing that has a terrible roof and only 16 year old girls drive. The thing was beat up. There was a lone, balding man in his 50's sitting in the drivers seat. He was CHUGGING 2 percent milk...just downing it.
He saw me staring at him. He rolled down the window and threw (I use the word 'threw' loosely. What he did could not really be descried as a throw...maybe a 3rd grade girls softball throw, but it looked ridiculous) the empty bottle at me.
He missed by a mile of course...but it was clear he was aiming for me. I was almost right next to the car and saw that he also had a bottle of Vodka in the front seat.He suddenly pulled of the parking spot, backing up quickly and recklessly. He yelled "Fuck you bitch!" at me and jolted away in his rediculious car.
I stood there in complete confusion. What the HELL had just happened? Other questions crossed my mind...was he drinking milk and Vodka? Combined? Was he drunk? He had to have been....the man threw a milk bottle at me from his Geo Tracker. Why was he in the Super America parking lot? The biggest question...what the hell is wrong with people? I didn't know what to do. No one had seemed to have noticed the events, save me. The universe wasn't just going to let this man get away with this...was it?
Apparently so. However, this reminded me that this had not been my only odd run in with older 'men' this week.
The events of a few days before:
Mike Allen, Ryan Griggs and I sat in the darkened movie theater, enjoying the movie "300". At some point during the Sparta-fueled motion picture two fat, balding 50 year olds start a full volume conversation, but since they were battling the digital sound of the movie, full volume meant they were almost yelling at each other.
At first I thought it might be really quick....but no. THEY DID NOT SHUT UP. The kids behind them said something, which they ignored. Mike futilely tried to yell at them, but his timing coincided with a crescendo of sound from the film. Finally a man in his 30s got up and seemed to have a 3 minute conversation with the two talkers. It finally shut them up. Moments before the credits came up the two 50 year old ramblers BOOKED out of theater like they were 13 years old and their parents just came home to find them smoking. What the hell was wrong with them? Had they never been to a movie before? I expect this from asshole teenagers, but not full-grown adults. I began to suspect that the milk-Vodka man was in cohorts with these not-so-gentlemen.
The events of yesterday completed the circle. First, at a job fair/trade show, where I was representing my company I was already in the mist of a terrible/stupid/Affleckian day. Weary and beleaguered I was about ready to tear down the booth and other displays when a man asked me a question. We had the standard corporate conversation. He was looking to get into consulting...blah blah...suddenly he asks: "What is your story?" I didn't understand the question. "I'm sorry...what was that?" He repeated himself again. I had heard him the first time...but I had no idea what place that question had in a strict business situation. HE THEN WINKED AT ME. I politely excused myself and refereed him to my associate. What the hell? I left, frustrated. On to LEGO, usually a bastion of hope resides there. At least it typically relieves ridiculous stress from the other job. The day seemed to be going as usual....until a young lad puked his McDonalds on my leg. I couldn't tell if the women who was with him was his mother/grandmother/friend/aunt/whatever, but she sat there and watched it happen and offered no assistance other then to stare at me. The kid ran to her and she continued to stare. She promptly left. The kid seemed fine. I, on the other hand, was covered in puke. Awesome.
These stories seem to hold no thread other then the perceived ages of the people involved. Therefore, I have no real conclusion. Discuss.
Have a great weekend. Gasthof's on Saturday for my birthday...be there!
={+}=
The events of Wednesday afternoon:
I was walking to Super America like usual this afternoon and as I get to the parking spots that are right in front of the door I see a man sitting in a PINK Geo Tracker...you know, the weird SUV looking thing that has a terrible roof and only 16 year old girls drive. The thing was beat up. There was a lone, balding man in his 50's sitting in the drivers seat. He was CHUGGING 2 percent milk...just downing it.
He saw me staring at him. He rolled down the window and threw (I use the word 'threw' loosely. What he did could not really be descried as a throw...maybe a 3rd grade girls softball throw, but it looked ridiculous) the empty bottle at me.
He missed by a mile of course...but it was clear he was aiming for me. I was almost right next to the car and saw that he also had a bottle of Vodka in the front seat.He suddenly pulled of the parking spot, backing up quickly and recklessly. He yelled "Fuck you bitch!" at me and jolted away in his rediculious car.
I stood there in complete confusion. What the HELL had just happened? Other questions crossed my mind...was he drinking milk and Vodka? Combined? Was he drunk? He had to have been....the man threw a milk bottle at me from his Geo Tracker. Why was he in the Super America parking lot? The biggest question...what the hell is wrong with people? I didn't know what to do. No one had seemed to have noticed the events, save me. The universe wasn't just going to let this man get away with this...was it?
Apparently so. However, this reminded me that this had not been my only odd run in with older 'men' this week.
The events of a few days before:
Mike Allen, Ryan Griggs and I sat in the darkened movie theater, enjoying the movie "300". At some point during the Sparta-fueled motion picture two fat, balding 50 year olds start a full volume conversation, but since they were battling the digital sound of the movie, full volume meant they were almost yelling at each other.
At first I thought it might be really quick....but no. THEY DID NOT SHUT UP. The kids behind them said something, which they ignored. Mike futilely tried to yell at them, but his timing coincided with a crescendo of sound from the film. Finally a man in his 30s got up and seemed to have a 3 minute conversation with the two talkers. It finally shut them up. Moments before the credits came up the two 50 year old ramblers BOOKED out of theater like they were 13 years old and their parents just came home to find them smoking. What the hell was wrong with them? Had they never been to a movie before? I expect this from asshole teenagers, but not full-grown adults. I began to suspect that the milk-Vodka man was in cohorts with these not-so-gentlemen.
The events of yesterday completed the circle. First, at a job fair/trade show, where I was representing my company I was already in the mist of a terrible/stupid/Affleckian day. Weary and beleaguered I was about ready to tear down the booth and other displays when a man asked me a question. We had the standard corporate conversation. He was looking to get into consulting...blah blah...suddenly he asks: "What is your story?" I didn't understand the question. "I'm sorry...what was that?" He repeated himself again. I had heard him the first time...but I had no idea what place that question had in a strict business situation. HE THEN WINKED AT ME. I politely excused myself and refereed him to my associate. What the hell? I left, frustrated. On to LEGO, usually a bastion of hope resides there. At least it typically relieves ridiculous stress from the other job. The day seemed to be going as usual....until a young lad puked his McDonalds on my leg. I couldn't tell if the women who was with him was his mother/grandmother/friend/aunt/whatever, but she sat there and watched it happen and offered no assistance other then to stare at me. The kid ran to her and she continued to stare. She promptly left. The kid seemed fine. I, on the other hand, was covered in puke. Awesome.
These stories seem to hold no thread other then the perceived ages of the people involved. Therefore, I have no real conclusion. Discuss.
Have a great weekend. Gasthof's on Saturday for my birthday...be there!
={+}=
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Pull!
For those of you who have played Ultimate Frisbee to some extent, you know exactly what the title means. For those who don't get it...wel...you really need to play more frisbee.
I'm not kidding. Go buy an Ultimate Frisbee (175g) at Target for 10.99 right now. Resist the "Target Temptation" and only buy the frisbee and immediately call me. You need to know this game.
I was shocked to figure out yesterday that I have been playing for 10 years. It doesn't seem like it should be that long ago that I was playing with the boys at Apple Valley High School in the new intramural league as team Revolution. It was a total blast. Frisbee wasn't nearly as well known as it is today and we all learned as we went.
I played for the rest of high school and played all 5 years of college at Mankato. At the end of high school I started getting involved with the youth at my church. I started tossing the frisbee around with those kids. I brought a frisbee everywhere we went. Kids started catching on. Now, everyone plays frisbee at church. Those kids at church spread it to their friends. Eagan High School now has leagues of their own, and unorganized frisbee is played at a local park.
It is at that park where I play, usually with high schoolers and college students during the summers. I got a call to play yesterday and was so excited that I left work, barely making up an excuse to leave...almost an hour and a half early. It was a joyous thing, frisbee in March.
Since I started playing, everything skill-wise has changed for me. I used to be fast and athletic. Neither of those are really true anymore, however I do turn on a burst of speed now and then. My problem when I started was throwing. I couldn't throw. I sucked at it. I remember that my first year I had a very short, easy throw to make to a wide open teammate that would have won us the game...and I threw it right into the ground. Now throwing is my greatest asset, especially my aim and ability to "thread the needle". Funny how things. I had to 'evolve' as the years went on.
Sadly, I think about the future and wonder how Ultimate Frisbee fits in. I never see adults playing...likely because you need a lot of people to play effectively. There aren't adult leagues that I have ever seen. I'm guessing that someday I won't be able to play with the kids I currently do, as they will become adults too. Maybe our generation will bring Ultimate to adults. I always seem to be the oldest player playing...everywhere I go.
I want to keep playing. I think we need an adult Ultimate league? I think it would be awesome. I think people older then me would grow to embrace it, just by knowing a little what it is about. My Dad has grown to like it. Teach other adults how to play! Make it happen!
Alright, enough frisbee talk for today. Ooh, that reminded me...the weather is getting nicer, which also means disc golf season is upon us...
Until next time...
={+}=
I'm not kidding. Go buy an Ultimate Frisbee (175g) at Target for 10.99 right now. Resist the "Target Temptation" and only buy the frisbee and immediately call me. You need to know this game.
I was shocked to figure out yesterday that I have been playing for 10 years. It doesn't seem like it should be that long ago that I was playing with the boys at Apple Valley High School in the new intramural league as team Revolution. It was a total blast. Frisbee wasn't nearly as well known as it is today and we all learned as we went.
I played for the rest of high school and played all 5 years of college at Mankato. At the end of high school I started getting involved with the youth at my church. I started tossing the frisbee around with those kids. I brought a frisbee everywhere we went. Kids started catching on. Now, everyone plays frisbee at church. Those kids at church spread it to their friends. Eagan High School now has leagues of their own, and unorganized frisbee is played at a local park.
It is at that park where I play, usually with high schoolers and college students during the summers. I got a call to play yesterday and was so excited that I left work, barely making up an excuse to leave...almost an hour and a half early. It was a joyous thing, frisbee in March.
Since I started playing, everything skill-wise has changed for me. I used to be fast and athletic. Neither of those are really true anymore, however I do turn on a burst of speed now and then. My problem when I started was throwing. I couldn't throw. I sucked at it. I remember that my first year I had a very short, easy throw to make to a wide open teammate that would have won us the game...and I threw it right into the ground. Now throwing is my greatest asset, especially my aim and ability to "thread the needle". Funny how things. I had to 'evolve' as the years went on.
Sadly, I think about the future and wonder how Ultimate Frisbee fits in. I never see adults playing...likely because you need a lot of people to play effectively. There aren't adult leagues that I have ever seen. I'm guessing that someday I won't be able to play with the kids I currently do, as they will become adults too. Maybe our generation will bring Ultimate to adults. I always seem to be the oldest player playing...everywhere I go.
I want to keep playing. I think we need an adult Ultimate league? I think it would be awesome. I think people older then me would grow to embrace it, just by knowing a little what it is about. My Dad has grown to like it. Teach other adults how to play! Make it happen!
Alright, enough frisbee talk for today. Ooh, that reminded me...the weather is getting nicer, which also means disc golf season is upon us...
Until next time...
={+}=
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
The Human Condition
Wow. What a day outside. You probably aren't expecting small-talk about the weather on blogs...I wouldn't either, but it really is a glorious day outside.
Guess where I am?
Yeah. Not outside. Working. Inside. In a place I don't like.
Man, that sounds depressing doesn't it? I don't mean to get all hippie on you here...but isn't it ridiculous that I have to sit inside the stale, corporate walls on a day like today? Is capitalism really that important, so much that it is valued over any human enjoyment? Well, I value the big picture over my unrewarding job so I used excuses galore to get outside today.
I guess I think about all this in a very post-modern way. I've been doing a lot of reading on post-modernism and modernism since I am reading a book about the Christian side of it. Interesting stuff. The modern way is thinking that we NEED to work, because that is what will make you happy. The outcome of work is not a mental, philshophical, or human reward...it is a material reward. This sounds really communist. Communism doesn't work. I know that. We know that. Apparently Cuba doesn't know that.
I think we value freedom over any other of our rights in America. We should, because everybody deserves to be free. However, we are slaves to our own ritualistic routine. There will always be those to break the molds, but why do we all go to school, then work until we can no longer physically do so? I'm sure none of us would ever choose to do it this way. This is just the way it is done. We try to find what and who we love, but most are unable to do so because of the crushing reality of just trying to maintain life. Doesn't that suck?
Now that you are good and depressed/vulnerable I propose we stop letting 'The Man' run our life. We need to be more rebellious. Age shouldn't play a part. For some reason or another people lose their spark for change. Perhaps someone can explain that to me someday. If you don't want to do something...don't do it anymore. I've decided that I'm going to leave my current job at the end of the year. I have NO idea what I am going to do after I do leave. Something. Anything. Well not anything...but I haven't decided. In fact, I have no idea. I don't like where I am right now and need to change.
I used to hate change. Now, I think I have to embrace it.
={+}=
Guess where I am?
Yeah. Not outside. Working. Inside. In a place I don't like.
Man, that sounds depressing doesn't it? I don't mean to get all hippie on you here...but isn't it ridiculous that I have to sit inside the stale, corporate walls on a day like today? Is capitalism really that important, so much that it is valued over any human enjoyment? Well, I value the big picture over my unrewarding job so I used excuses galore to get outside today.
I guess I think about all this in a very post-modern way. I've been doing a lot of reading on post-modernism and modernism since I am reading a book about the Christian side of it. Interesting stuff. The modern way is thinking that we NEED to work, because that is what will make you happy. The outcome of work is not a mental, philshophical, or human reward...it is a material reward. This sounds really communist. Communism doesn't work. I know that. We know that. Apparently Cuba doesn't know that.
I think we value freedom over any other of our rights in America. We should, because everybody deserves to be free. However, we are slaves to our own ritualistic routine. There will always be those to break the molds, but why do we all go to school, then work until we can no longer physically do so? I'm sure none of us would ever choose to do it this way. This is just the way it is done. We try to find what and who we love, but most are unable to do so because of the crushing reality of just trying to maintain life. Doesn't that suck?
Now that you are good and depressed/vulnerable I propose we stop letting 'The Man' run our life. We need to be more rebellious. Age shouldn't play a part. For some reason or another people lose their spark for change. Perhaps someone can explain that to me someday. If you don't want to do something...don't do it anymore. I've decided that I'm going to leave my current job at the end of the year. I have NO idea what I am going to do after I do leave. Something. Anything. Well not anything...but I haven't decided. In fact, I have no idea. I don't like where I am right now and need to change.
I used to hate change. Now, I think I have to embrace it.
={+}=
Friday, March 9, 2007
Just call me LEGO.
Last night I was working the sales floor of the LEGO Imagination Center in the middle of the consumer capital of the world, the Mall of America, when a wave of content washed over me.
I had one of those useless, angering days at the "Day Job" and was not in a good mood when I drove down 494 West get to the mall. I was stressed, tired and was not in the mood for the tact of the general populace. For whatever reason, I got there and forgot about all those things and had a great time. I only go in to LEGO about 3-5 times a month, so I don't ever get frustrated...because I know I won't have to be there again for a while. I've really enjoyed my time there lately. I think it has a lot to do with familiarity.
No matter what is going on in this turbulent, quarter-life crisis I can always rely on things being remotely the same there. I know what I do there. I know what everyone else does there. I know I am good at what I do there. Everything is right. It is a very peaceful feeling to have and I don't know how many can claim something similar. I celebrate my 8th anniversary this year with LEGO. LEGO has been a huge part of my life. It was my only source of income for years. I got to have the opportunity to travel and get excellent experience when I became a national trainer. I interned with the company doing marketing and got to fulfill a childhood dream of sorts by just being employed by LEGO. Heck, even some of my friends call me Lego...on a regular basis.
Now, for the most part, LEGO is no longer a huge part of my life. I don't need the job for income. For the most part, the training is done. My internship is just a paragraph on my resume. I'm still called Lego or Duplo by a lot of friends, but at least they don't introduce me that way anymore. In a way, LEGO is just an afterthought these days...something I discuss briefly with my friends who do work there or something I mention in passing. People I meet now might not even know about my work there until I know them better. Essentially, it is something I do on the side now.
I think it took a day like yesterday for me to know why I still do this on the side...draining my precious free time with a job I don't really need. I had just gotten talking to an 8 year old kid who was just crazy enthusiastic about a certain LEGO Star Wars set. He was just a joy to talk to. I joked about something with my co-worker (who is also technically my boss) and laughed and looked up at the dirty models above me. It used to bug me looking up there, knowing I would have to clean them soon and how much work that is. I don't care about that anymore, it sounded like it could be fun. I then looked at the store. Sure, a lot has changed about it since 1999 but it still has the same feel and it made me forget about the stupid things that happened earlier in the day. I mean, I've been through just about everything in my adult life while working at this place, and the petty things that happened earlier in the day would be worked out too. I smiled and went over to a kid looking at one of the displays to say 'hi' and ask him if he liked castle stuff. I was positive it would be a good thing.
Because I know how to do it...and right now anything I know for certain makes me happy, because it one less thing I need to figure out.
I had one of those useless, angering days at the "Day Job" and was not in a good mood when I drove down 494 West get to the mall. I was stressed, tired and was not in the mood for the tact of the general populace. For whatever reason, I got there and forgot about all those things and had a great time. I only go in to LEGO about 3-5 times a month, so I don't ever get frustrated...because I know I won't have to be there again for a while. I've really enjoyed my time there lately. I think it has a lot to do with familiarity.
No matter what is going on in this turbulent, quarter-life crisis I can always rely on things being remotely the same there. I know what I do there. I know what everyone else does there. I know I am good at what I do there. Everything is right. It is a very peaceful feeling to have and I don't know how many can claim something similar. I celebrate my 8th anniversary this year with LEGO. LEGO has been a huge part of my life. It was my only source of income for years. I got to have the opportunity to travel and get excellent experience when I became a national trainer. I interned with the company doing marketing and got to fulfill a childhood dream of sorts by just being employed by LEGO. Heck, even some of my friends call me Lego...on a regular basis.
Now, for the most part, LEGO is no longer a huge part of my life. I don't need the job for income. For the most part, the training is done. My internship is just a paragraph on my resume. I'm still called Lego or Duplo by a lot of friends, but at least they don't introduce me that way anymore. In a way, LEGO is just an afterthought these days...something I discuss briefly with my friends who do work there or something I mention in passing. People I meet now might not even know about my work there until I know them better. Essentially, it is something I do on the side now.
I think it took a day like yesterday for me to know why I still do this on the side...draining my precious free time with a job I don't really need. I had just gotten talking to an 8 year old kid who was just crazy enthusiastic about a certain LEGO Star Wars set. He was just a joy to talk to. I joked about something with my co-worker (who is also technically my boss) and laughed and looked up at the dirty models above me. It used to bug me looking up there, knowing I would have to clean them soon and how much work that is. I don't care about that anymore, it sounded like it could be fun. I then looked at the store. Sure, a lot has changed about it since 1999 but it still has the same feel and it made me forget about the stupid things that happened earlier in the day. I mean, I've been through just about everything in my adult life while working at this place, and the petty things that happened earlier in the day would be worked out too. I smiled and went over to a kid looking at one of the displays to say 'hi' and ask him if he liked castle stuff. I was positive it would be a good thing.
Because I know how to do it...and right now anything I know for certain makes me happy, because it one less thing I need to figure out.
Monday, March 5, 2007
"Houston, we have a problem."
Did you know that Jim Lovell never actually said that? He said something similar, but not the exact line. Just thought I'd throw that out there.
Okay, in case you came into this hoping this entry would be about space, NASA, space travel, quantum theory or Tom Hanks...well you are out of luck. Quick tangent: Did you know that people freak out when you tell them that you hate Tom Hanks? Try it sometime. It is a lot of fun and the best part is you don't have to hate Tom Hanks...I do it all the time!
Wow. Enough tangents for now. I have a problem and it involves my faith. I'm a baptised and confirmed Catholic. I've gone to the same Catholic church since I was a year old. This isn't a Church I am loosely affiliated with or anything...I am bonded to this place, and I like it. I've played percussion at mass and events for the last TEN years. I've been highly involved with the youth of the church, going to camps, helping to create new programs and creating really great friends. I know tons and tons of people there. Some might think this is a travesty, but some of the younger kids look up to me. I love all that. It is great. However, there is a small problem.
I don't think I am Catholic anymore.
This might not come to any sort of surprise to a select few of you, as it is something I have been dealing with for a while, but this really is the first public shout of it.
This might not seem like a huge deal to some, but it is a big part of my life and who I am. It probably would be a bigger deal if I was leaving Christianity, but I am not. Not even close. However, this calls into question belief in a bigger way. I think the people with the most faith HAVE to struggle with their faith, otherwise it isn't really important to them . I struggle all the time but I feel it has made a stronger Christian. It has called into debate some of my Catholic beliefs though. The biggest part of what I have been having a hard time with is the notion of the Catholic church, dogmatic practices and Canon Law. I've always struggled with how it was possible to have Catholic by-laws (Canon Law) that were completely made up my man. No meat on Fridays during lent because of a dry middle ages fish market? Why? Why can't I fast in remembrance of Jesus's sacrifice in my own way? Why does there have to be a middle man in my reconciliation to Christ? These are big-time issues.
However, I also carry a lot the Catholic church in my current faith. The history and service of Catholicism is terrific. Transubstantiation is also an issue with me, but I do feel something - something - happens when I take the host and pray.
A lot of this comes down to the holiness of Catholic Popes, Bishops and Priests and the power of the institution of a church.
I don't know what to do, but I feel like I'm not putting in the value that I once did. I don't want to be fake about this...just going through the motions. I love what I contribute to the community. I like just about everything about my Catholic church.
I don't know what to do. Help me. Until then...you can see me at mass most Saturdays, playing percussion, trying to do what I can.
={+}=
Okay, in case you came into this hoping this entry would be about space, NASA, space travel, quantum theory or Tom Hanks...well you are out of luck. Quick tangent: Did you know that people freak out when you tell them that you hate Tom Hanks? Try it sometime. It is a lot of fun and the best part is you don't have to hate Tom Hanks...I do it all the time!
Wow. Enough tangents for now. I have a problem and it involves my faith. I'm a baptised and confirmed Catholic. I've gone to the same Catholic church since I was a year old. This isn't a Church I am loosely affiliated with or anything...I am bonded to this place, and I like it. I've played percussion at mass and events for the last TEN years. I've been highly involved with the youth of the church, going to camps, helping to create new programs and creating really great friends. I know tons and tons of people there. Some might think this is a travesty, but some of the younger kids look up to me. I love all that. It is great. However, there is a small problem.
I don't think I am Catholic anymore.
This might not come to any sort of surprise to a select few of you, as it is something I have been dealing with for a while, but this really is the first public shout of it.
This might not seem like a huge deal to some, but it is a big part of my life and who I am. It probably would be a bigger deal if I was leaving Christianity, but I am not. Not even close. However, this calls into question belief in a bigger way. I think the people with the most faith HAVE to struggle with their faith, otherwise it isn't really important to them . I struggle all the time but I feel it has made a stronger Christian. It has called into debate some of my Catholic beliefs though. The biggest part of what I have been having a hard time with is the notion of the Catholic church, dogmatic practices and Canon Law. I've always struggled with how it was possible to have Catholic by-laws (Canon Law) that were completely made up my man. No meat on Fridays during lent because of a dry middle ages fish market? Why? Why can't I fast in remembrance of Jesus's sacrifice in my own way? Why does there have to be a middle man in my reconciliation to Christ? These are big-time issues.
However, I also carry a lot the Catholic church in my current faith. The history and service of Catholicism is terrific. Transubstantiation is also an issue with me, but I do feel something - something - happens when I take the host and pray.
A lot of this comes down to the holiness of Catholic Popes, Bishops and Priests and the power of the institution of a church.
I don't know what to do, but I feel like I'm not putting in the value that I once did. I don't want to be fake about this...just going through the motions. I love what I contribute to the community. I like just about everything about my Catholic church.
I don't know what to do. Help me. Until then...you can see me at mass most Saturdays, playing percussion, trying to do what I can.
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