What is Wrong With 50 Year Olds?

I've had a cornucopia of bizarre occurrences dealing with 50-something males this week. What follows is a transcription of these events. They are not in chronological order for dramatic purposes.

The events of Wednesday afternoon:

I was walking to Super America like usual this afternoon and as I get to the parking spots that are right in front of the door I see a man sitting in a PINK Geo Tracker...you know, the weird SUV looking thing that has a terrible roof and only 16 year old girls drive. The thing was beat up. There was a lone, balding man in his 50's sitting in the drivers seat. He was CHUGGING 2 percent milk...just downing it.

He saw me staring at him. He rolled down the window and threw (I use the word 'threw' loosely. What he did could not really be descried as a throw...maybe a 3rd grade girls softball throw, but it looked ridiculous) the empty bottle at me.

He missed by a mile of course...but it was clear he was aiming for me. I was almost right next to the car and saw that he also had a bottle of Vodka in the front seat.He suddenly pulled of the parking spot, backing up quickly and recklessly. He yelled "Fuck you bitch!" at me and jolted away in his rediculious car.

I stood there in complete confusion. What the HELL had just happened? Other questions crossed my mind...was he drinking milk and Vodka? Combined? Was he drunk? He had to have been....the man threw a milk bottle at me from his Geo Tracker. Why was he in the Super America parking lot? The biggest question...what the hell is wrong with people? I didn't know what to do. No one had seemed to have noticed the events, save me. The universe wasn't just going to let this man get away with this...was it?

Apparently so. However, this reminded me that this had not been my only odd run in with older 'men' this week.

The events of a few days before:

Mike Allen, Ryan Griggs and I sat in the darkened movie theater, enjoying the movie "300". At some point during the Sparta-fueled motion picture two fat, balding 50 year olds start a full volume conversation, but since they were battling the digital sound of the movie, full volume meant they were almost yelling at each other.

At first I thought it might be really quick....but no. THEY DID NOT SHUT UP. The kids behind them said something, which they ignored. Mike futilely tried to yell at them, but his timing coincided with a crescendo of sound from the film. Finally a man in his 30s got up and seemed to have a 3 minute conversation with the two talkers. It finally shut them up. Moments before the credits came up the two 50 year old ramblers BOOKED out of theater like they were 13 years old and their parents just came home to find them smoking. What the hell was wrong with them? Had they never been to a movie before? I expect this from asshole teenagers, but not full-grown adults. I began to suspect that the milk-Vodka man was in cohorts with these not-so-gentlemen.

The events of yesterday completed the circle. First, at a job fair/trade show, where I was representing my company I was already in the mist of a terrible/stupid/Affleckian day. Weary and beleaguered I was about ready to tear down the booth and other displays when a man asked me a question. We had the standard corporate conversation. He was looking to get into consulting...blah blah...suddenly he asks: "What is your story?" I didn't understand the question. "I'm sorry...what was that?" He repeated himself again. I had heard him the first time...but I had no idea what place that question had in a strict business situation. HE THEN WINKED AT ME. I politely excused myself and refereed him to my associate. What the hell? I left, frustrated. On to LEGO, usually a bastion of hope resides there. At least it typically relieves ridiculous stress from the other job. The day seemed to be going as usual....until a young lad puked his McDonalds on my leg. I couldn't tell if the women who was with him was his mother/grandmother/friend/aunt/whatever, but she sat there and watched it happen and offered no assistance other then to stare at me. The kid ran to her and she continued to stare. She promptly left. The kid seemed fine. I, on the other hand, was covered in puke. Awesome.


These stories seem to hold no thread other then the perceived ages of the people involved. Therefore, I have no real conclusion. Discuss.

Have a great weekend. Gasthof's on Saturday for my birthday...be there!

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