Did you know that Jim Lovell never actually said that? He said something similar, but not the exact line. Just thought I'd throw that out there.
Okay, in case you came into this hoping this entry would be about space, NASA, space travel, quantum theory or Tom Hanks...well you are out of luck. Quick tangent: Did you know that people freak out when you tell them that you hate Tom Hanks? Try it sometime. It is a lot of fun and the best part is you don't have to hate Tom Hanks...I do it all the time!
Wow. Enough tangents for now. I have a problem and it involves my faith. I'm a baptised and confirmed Catholic. I've gone to the same Catholic church since I was a year old. This isn't a Church I am loosely affiliated with or anything...I am bonded to this place, and I like it. I've played percussion at mass and events for the last TEN years. I've been highly involved with the youth of the church, going to camps, helping to create new programs and creating really great friends. I know tons and tons of people there. Some might think this is a travesty, but some of the younger kids look up to me. I love all that. It is great. However, there is a small problem.
I don't think I am Catholic anymore.
This might not come to any sort of surprise to a select few of you, as it is something I have been dealing with for a while, but this really is the first public shout of it.
This might not seem like a huge deal to some, but it is a big part of my life and who I am. It probably would be a bigger deal if I was leaving Christianity, but I am not. Not even close. However, this calls into question belief in a bigger way. I think the people with the most faith HAVE to struggle with their faith, otherwise it isn't really important to them . I struggle all the time but I feel it has made a stronger Christian. It has called into debate some of my Catholic beliefs though. The biggest part of what I have been having a hard time with is the notion of the Catholic church, dogmatic practices and Canon Law. I've always struggled with how it was possible to have Catholic by-laws (Canon Law) that were completely made up my man. No meat on Fridays during lent because of a dry middle ages fish market? Why? Why can't I fast in remembrance of Jesus's sacrifice in my own way? Why does there have to be a middle man in my reconciliation to Christ? These are big-time issues.
However, I also carry a lot the Catholic church in my current faith. The history and service of Catholicism is terrific. Transubstantiation is also an issue with me, but I do feel something - something - happens when I take the host and pray.
A lot of this comes down to the holiness of Catholic Popes, Bishops and Priests and the power of the institution of a church.
I don't know what to do, but I feel like I'm not putting in the value that I once did. I don't want to be fake about this...just going through the motions. I love what I contribute to the community. I like just about everything about my Catholic church.
I don't know what to do. Help me. Until then...you can see me at mass most Saturdays, playing percussion, trying to do what I can.
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6 comments:
My dad went through a similar crisis of faith when he was in college and for a few years afterwards. He grew up Catholic, went to Catholic school until High School...went to Mass because his parents told him that was the right thing to do. He had questions regarding the "man-made" rules and dogmatic practices...and nobody would answer his questions, and so he basically "gave up" on the Catholic church.
As my church in Eau Claire put it "people give up on Church, but haven't given up on God." Dad was at that point, but wasn't sure what it meant to be a Christian without being a Catholic. It took my mom turning him down to marry him (the first time he asked) to seek out a Protestant (Lutheran) church and see what was out there.
I know you're not in exactly the same boat with your so-called crisis of faith, but know you're not the first one...and certainly won't be the last. I'm sure he'd be up for talking to you if you were interested...let me know.
"Why does there have to be a middle man in my reconciliation to Christ?"
Ironically, the notion of the middle man is very protestant in a Max Weber kind of way. But I will leave that notion for another day...
I will admit it easy for me to be highly dismissive of any organized religion--I guess i see most religions as having this infallible, inflexible, rigid structure. Quite the opposite, as religion is socially constructed.
When I think of any religion or religious activity only one thing comes to mind... "your mileage may vary."
That is to say what you put it into it is what you get out of it. Each user experience is different. That is not to reduce experience to a mere function of inputs. Surely since the experience is shared, many will leave unfulfilled. If you let this void command your attention, it calls for reflection, as in this case your blog. Some leave the void alone, others fill it.
I would suggest just acknowledging that the void exists. There is no panacea. there is no one-size fits all. Thats the journey.
The void leads to inquiry however. In every religion there is a discontinuity between religious law and whats "on the ground" so to speak. Some believe fervently the rules, thats how they deal with the void. Some question the rules, but no not acknowledge the void, thus may turn bitter.
Others seek to advance their inquiry in other ways and chose to leave the religious community altogether.
Whether or not ignorance is bliss, different discourses exist requesting different expectations. While the laws are contradictory, seeking pleasure, in a puritan sense, is not viewed highly. Yet if you truly receive joy from participating in something greater than yourself, would you sacrifice "joy" for "logic?"
Just because the pieces don't all fit, and there are obvious contradictions within doesn't mean the community or civic apparatus is worthless.
I understand what you're saying brett, and I can honestly say that I feel the same way about a lot of these issues.
My only thought is that we should have the power to determine what "Catholicism" is...not that we should be able to go off in our own factions whenever the urge should hit us, but rather that we should be able to spark the kind of dialogue that's needed to enact change. Religion is quite fallible - it's a means by which the faith can be brought to a social comminity, where dialogue can be initiated, and where people ca nhelp each other. Maybe we don't need that now since we have blogs. Whatever. Check mine out.
http://fastpolitics.blogspot.com/
To be completely honest with you Brett. In times like these you should pray for guidance. I have had several struggles with my faith and I have only been baptized for 2 years. Everyone says pray and it comes to sound so cliche, but it really does work. I grew up in a home without prayer and without religion or the knowledge of God. It was only recently that I felt the holy spirit and knew in my whole heart and soul that God was the path I needed to take and from there I was baptized into the "Mormon" religion. I quote that because that is not the actual name of the religion, it is just what most people outside the religion recognize. The Church is called The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, or LDS.
Anywayz, What I'm trying to say is, I know what you're going through and you're are absolutely correct when you says that many people will question their faith, in the end it will only make your faith stronger. Pray and go with how you feel and what your conscious (the holy spirit) says to you.
Good Luck.
Not being a Catholic or a christian, perhaps you should take what I have to say with a grain of salt.
I think most intelligent people sort of "grow up" at some point and have a problem with religions like Catholicism. I think this is probably a good thing for you, even though I'm sure it is hard, and I hope you are able to find a church more suited to your needs.
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